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Jerusalem art: it's eeeeeeeeevil

by michael May 09 2014
ArtBridge of StringsCity planning

Hey, remember that "concerned Jerusalem citizens' group" Lemallah (population: one dedicated hombre) that, well, according to itself, stopped the construction of a philanthropist-funded aesthetics-defying eyesore of a public sculpture over Zion Square downtown?

Of course you do.

Well, it turns out that in the wake of that stunning victory against the forces that may or may not be, that "concerned Jerusalem citizens' group" has kept up the fight for a purer, better Jerusalem the only way it (he) knows how: by continuing to hit the pipe really, really hard.

You see, Lemallah-guy, intoxicated with power and powder, has determined that many of the public art installations across the city are the sinister works of Jew-hating Freemasons with a secret and evil agenda.

No, really, everyone in the city government is a Freemason (possibly also an Illuminatus, with a smattering of Knights Templar):

The best is the abstract sculpture deemed "an anal cavity for your child to play in." Clearly he has it confused with the Rav Chen "movie theater." Other amusing conclusions call out Zion Square's hidden Satanic design and the uncircumcised phallus-head of the horse in Horse Park (actually, he sort of has a glans point about that).

But anal cavities and phallic gentile horses aside, we think our friend at Lemallah is on to something. And here is the proof:


The firm middle finger of progress.


Clearly a secular artist's attempt to subliminally introduce his wicked hippie concepts of free love.


Has anyone noticed that this man is naked, and possibly French?


Six-point star is symbol of Gangster Disciples - city clearly trying to inculcate impressionable youth with American gang values.








A big, moist nipple.

Also, has anyone ever noticed that the intersection of King George and Jaffa Streets is in the shape of a cross? What's the story there?

Photos of LOVE sculpture at the Israel Museum, Old City churches and the Tower of David courtesy of bdnegin from Flickr under a Creative Commons license. Photo of the Rodin sculpture at the Israel Museum courtesy of anaulin from Flickr under a Creative Commons license. Photo of the Hebrew University's tower courtesy of from Wikipedia under a Creative Commons license. Photo of Star of David yizkor sculpture at the Western Wall courtesy of zeevveez from Flickr under a Creative Commons license. Photo of Davidka courtesy of ToastieIL from Wikipedia under a Creative Commons license. Photo of the Bridge of Strings courtesy of Alex Jilitsky from Flickr under a Creative Commons license. Photo of the Shrine of the Book courtesy of emilie from Flickr under a Creative Commons license.

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